Great joke

Author Topic: Great joke  (Read 2162 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Htownkj

  • -Member-
  • Posts: 1156
  • Karma: +0
  • I am the token black guy
Great joke
« on: April 19, 2005, 09:23:45 am »
No sex tonight?

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much.

And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits.

She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT???!!!" I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

Steve in HTown

  • -Admin-
  • Posts: 25903
  • Karma: +403
    • stucknut
Re: Great joke
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2005, 10:12:26 am »
Paybacks a mutha  >:D
Texas LonghornsLos Angeles DodgersLos Angeles LakersCleveland Browns

Edge

  • If you're not a Manc, you're a
  • -Member-
  • Posts: 2414
  • Karma: +0
  • Whats Crackin?
Re: Great joke
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2005, 10:16:01 am »
So is forced abstinence

BenintheJack

  • Wearing the Daddy Pants
  • -Nutter-
  • Posts: 8804
  • Karma: +0
  • The Dude Abides
Re: Great joke
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2005, 10:17:33 am »
War the threesome with Handgela and Palmela.

Edge

  • If you're not a Manc, you're a
  • -Member-
  • Posts: 2414
  • Karma: +0
  • Whats Crackin?
Re: Great joke
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2005, 10:27:06 am »
They never let you down

Waldo Faldo

  • Guest
Re: Great joke
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2005, 10:47:42 am »
I could never do that to my Maxine.  Besides, she knows the Mighty Weenie doesn't pay much.  Cool.

HEYMRJSTEW

  • All this smack is making me chafe
  • -Member-
  • Posts: 43
  • Karma: +0
  • When in doubt, whip it out
Re: Great joke
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2005, 12:10:08 am »
Any good bowling alleys in Houston Htown, something tells me you just bought your wife a chastity belt for a long lont time.

If you really want to piss her off, look deep into her eyes and say.  "Honey, sometimes I think you must have fallen from Heaven...............Cuz your face is Fu*ked UP!

 

jackson

  • jack-son in jack-son
  • -Member-
  • Posts: 375
  • Karma: +0
Re: Great joke
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2005, 01:22:29 pm »
if you really want to piss her off, walk up to her, put a hand on either side of her face, gently squeeze, and at the same time fart. Trust me, they hate that.
don't put your heart out on your  sleeve when your remarks are off the cuff