Author Topic: Jungle Conspiracy Theories  (Read 798 times)

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Lance In Topeka

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Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« on: April 20, 2016, 02:48:02 pm »
So on yesterday's show, there were a bunch of conspiracy theories thrown out there, including a couple about my real identity.

>THEORY: I am the creation of Kyle Brandt and Alvin Delloro.
>FACT: As good as Lyle and Alvie are at what they do, they do not have the necessary level of sophistication, originality or creativity to create a guy who sings parodies from the likes of Neil Sedaka, Connie Francis, Petula Clark, etc. Even if they created a character who fit Rome's mold of "a good caller", it's still not as creative as the concept of the SedakAttack.

>THEORY: Slash from Brentwood suggests that I am in fact Lance Ito.
>FACT 1: The warden at the Las Vegas prison where Slash is incarcerated must be REALLY generous to allow Slash access to Twitter, allow him to call The Jim Rome Show and brag about his terrible accomplishment from June 1994, and even LISTEN to the Jungle.
>FACT 2: Slash would know better than anyone, since I did preside over his murder trial from 1995.

Yes, Clones and Stucknutters, I am Lance Ito, retired judge in the Superior Court of Los Angeles County, CA.

I did indeed preside over Slash's trial, and when I retired in 2012, I decided to leave the lights and bustle of LA. I moved first to Louisville and then to Topeka.

As for the trial, with all the evidence against Slash, I was sure he'd be found guilty, and I was stunned when they cleared him. Slash, with apologies to Denny Green, YOU ARE WHO WE THOUGHT YOU WERE, AND THE JURY LET YOU OFF THE HOOK! I was so mad at the jurors for that blatant miscarriage of justice that, after the trial, I walked up to each one of them and told them to - wait for it! - pull my finger!  :lol
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Steve in HTown

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #1 on: April 20, 2016, 02:50:20 pm »
Thanks for clearing that up, Judge  referee2
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Lance In Topeka

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #2 on: April 20, 2016, 02:51:34 pm »
Thanks for clearing that up, Judge  referee2

Glad I could help!  ;D
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Front Porch

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #3 on: April 20, 2016, 04:55:14 pm »
Nice to start about a thread about yourself but forgot to show your wife's breasts.

Beavis in KC

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2016, 07:09:22 pm »
Cool story, bro.
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BNI

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2016, 07:58:06 pm »
Nice to start about a thread about yourself but forgot to show your wife's breasts.

This.
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Norman in Norman

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #6 on: April 20, 2016, 09:27:16 pm »
Soon as I saw the I:470 I knew this would suck balls. I wasn't disappointed.  :koolaid
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Steve in HTown

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #7 on: April 20, 2016, 09:54:13 pm »
Nice to start about a thread about yourself but forgot to show your wife's breasts.

Lance... with a wife??   :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol
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Joe in EastVan

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2016, 10:22:17 pm »

Lance In Topeka

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #9 on: April 20, 2016, 11:06:19 pm »
Lance... with a wife??   :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol

Meh, a wife would just spend all the money I could have used to enlarge my Sedaka collection.
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Lance In Topeka

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #10 on: April 20, 2016, 11:07:55 pm »


If you don't care, then why did you post?  :uhh
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Lance In Topeka

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #11 on: April 20, 2016, 11:12:22 pm »
Soon as I saw the I:470 I knew this would suck balls. I wasn't disappointed.  :koolaid

What are you doing online, Norman? Isn't there a tornado in your area that you should be taking shelter from?
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Front Porch

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #12 on: April 20, 2016, 11:51:11 pm »
Sister is acceptable or even friend. 

Steve in HTown

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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2016, 07:31:38 am »
If you don't care, then why did you post?  :uhh

that's stucknut.com's motto
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Re: Jungle Conspiracy Theories
« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2016, 02:46:18 pm »
What are you doing online, Norman? Isn't there a tornado in your area that you should be taking shelter from?

I think I might like this guy  :koolaid
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